Had this agonising pain in the neck few days ago and I thought I might be having a stroke or something. Turned out it was just some strain on my neck and I was being paranoid again. Silly me but it had me thinking. Is this life all about? From a baby to adult. Dating and getting married? Working my ass off and getting old? No! I'm working hard because I'm not dying yet and I need the financial stability to survive in this crazy world.
I lied in my bed that evening with the pain trying to re-evaluate my priorities and re-discovering myself. I prayed hard that the pain will go away soon and made a one sided deal with GOD. I prayed that I will never die before my Elise does. That HE'll grant me a sickness free but short life. Begged that HE won't dragged my life for too long plagued with sickness. I realized that I trusted nobody at all, nobody that could take care of me if I needed it. I've been pushing myself too hard by the thought of it. This is why I always feel so irritated all the time. Doing everything by myself and trusting nobody.
Would I be happier if I could let go? Would it be a better place for me if I simply settled for less in every aspect of my life? Would imperfection make me content?