Wednesday, November 27, 2013

281113 Nightmare

Suddenly the realization dawned upon me that I was sobbing in my sleep. It was only a stupid nightmare. Didn't even make any sense to me. 

Though it didn't make any sense but it triggered something in me....

Having this overwhelming feeling now. Afraid of losing something that I never even owned in the first place. I want to just reach out for it and keep it somewhere safe. 

But how could I lose it if I never own it? 

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Taking a Big Leap of Faith

For this few months I learnt to appreciate even the tiniest things that's happening around me. It may not be significant to anyone else out there but it sure does make some difference in my life, or shall I say how I look at life/ things? Maybe this is what you called gratitude? 

Each day I woke up with a smile on my face trying to enjoy the morning. Trying to sort my mind and feelings to the right path before rushing off for the rest of the day. 

Sometimes I'll come across some hurdles in life that really upset me a lot. I'm very emotional I know that. Things can affect me badly and I felt like the world is going against me. I would then crawl to my shell and hide. I'll feel better afterwards but it's not really what I want. 

Taking the first step was hard, super hard for me. I know very well that I'm a changed person after some major incidents. I had refused to open myself up to others, keeping my feelings to myself. I fought hard against those who came near to me. I filtered a lot of people out my life due to some menial things. I wouldn't even want to look deep into their personality. I really missed out a lot of good things because of this. Defending myself from heartache, at the same time depriving myself from humanity. Sometimes I felt like a robot with no emotions at all. Eat, sleep and work.... Repeat and repeat. 

I must thank my bestie for this. We've been friends like forever now and she knows me inside out. Tried to use all kind of methods to make me realized my own problems. She tried lecturing me and threatened me as well. Very courageous of her knowing that my bad temper and she still went ahead to knock some sense into me. A very good friend indeed. 

So I just tried to opened myself a little by little. Taking a big leap of faith, it could be the most scariest thing that I've attempted, opening myself up. I wanted to turn around and give up at the beginning. Thank goodness my bestie was there to support me. It was an eye opener for me. I would give everything a try. Things that I never try before, places that I never go before and people that I never talk to before. It just feels great and I'm thankful for everything that I've been able to experienced. New friends, new places and new feelings too. 

I'm thankful for all this.
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