Saturday, June 30, 2012

Being Stubborn

It's as if some invisible force took over your body and mind. You are getting irrational and acted like a fool. You started to get reckless and tried to do all sorts of crazy things that you normally won't do. You know it's dangerous across that border but yet you still refused to back out. You know it's impossible but yet you are still being stubborn. Stop being so difficult and stop daydreaming about the impossible things in life. You have much more important things in life ahead.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Where Has My Sanity Gone?

Something's not right here.

It's been super duper hectic for me this couple of weeks. Designing, modifying, calculating....Phew..Sleeping for only a few hours daily and waking up early running all over the town. Crazy zits popping out due to stress. Started to get delusional where my emotions going through a massive roller coaster ride. My sanity slowly wasting away and I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. All sorts of nonsense going in and coming out from myself.

It's crazy. I don't supposed to have time for all these nonsense  when my schedule is filling up to the max but my brain seems to have its own way of filling up those tiny haircrack with some impossible stuffs where my emotions and mood keep spiraling downward. It's like I woke up one day and found myself in maze. I walked and walked for days to find my way out but the deception of the place is taking me further and into the trap with every step I take.

Getting annoyed with myself as more time has passed. Blasting the stereo loud to drown out the crazy thinking in my mind. It helps but just a little.

Still trying to find my way out of the maze now or until my sanity returns.....

Day 3: Rat Race Or Peace At Zagreb

Something for my Baby Elise, a huggable and breathing battery operated mutt and it's super adorable.
Not sure if she'll tore it apart the moment she sets her paws on it though. 

 My sister thought it was a real thing and kept asking how the hell am I going to go through the airport with it.

Been missing my baby alot. Just had to talk to  her with Facetime midway through my breakfast and everyone thought that I have a human daughter, funny.

We left for Zagreb right after breakfast and it took us 4 hours to get there. After spending half of my time abroad on a coach, now I could sleep on the road and be able to wake up whenever the coach slows down. When it slows down, it means we have arrived at our destination.

Love this restaurant where they have a beautiful white interior. Modern and nice.

Can anyone tells that I just woke up a few minutes earlier before this picture was taken?

Zagreb Cathedral is the most famous building in Zagreb and the tallest building in Croatia. This place brought a sense of serenity into my heart where every problems seem to be in absence at that very moment. It's where you can almost hear the angels singing.

Where you will be enthralled and believed in miracles that God had created. Making you momentary forgotten that you still have a long and winding way on this crazy world. It really feels good to be here.

I would stay here forever if I could, to get away from the harsh reality of my current life. It's truly an undecisive thinking of mine. Can I really give up everything to have a sense of peace or can I give up having a sense of peacefulness for my ambitions? Let's just put this to the hands of fate, if I'm meant to spend the rest of my life quietly or to continue this rat race.

 Strolling along on a former river that separates these two banks in this city where bloodshed happened before it became the way it is today.

Bloodshed on the other side and tearshed on this side. Museum of Broken Relationships, my tales could fill up this entire place!

At the park where the locals walk their dogs and for a public show of affections. Couples rolling around on the grass cuddling and kissing each others like those in the movies. It's romantic in the reels but not in the reality, where you might be ended up rolling around on dog's wee wee and poo poo!

Catch of the day
Chocolates, luncheon meat, foie gras, pate, truffle.....

Calling it a day at Four Points

Thursday, June 28, 2012

My Tears

If I could find tears within my heart because this, I might be able to find 'it' again. I maybe crying of pain or happiness but not for 'this'. I'm not able to cry for 'this' and IDK if I ever able to do it again.

Dear Ian

*Hugs*At least you found him and you know that you love him. You dared to love and to love him from afar. That shows that you are still lovable and hope you'll find that special someone to share your principles and believe in life soon.

It's been a long and winding journey for me. I never went beyond liking someone these few years and I wonder if I still able to love someone like any warm blooded human does. I've tried hard to find that feelings within me again. Lost count of how many times that I failed.

Maybe I've lost it forever, IDK


Feeling a little sad now. Can't push it away and it's sticking to me like a glue. Just how many times do I have to go through this? Struggling with hopelessness and sadness just for a sniff of happiness and it wasn't even real. I'm getting so bloody tired this time.

Life Is Cruel

I was just passing by the boutique on my way to get my daily caffeine fix when the mannequin caught my eyes. It was wearing the loveliest dress that my eyes ever laid on. I just had to own it. And then I was told that it was the last piece and it was already taken, awaiting the lucky owner to collect it.

Just like the other aspect of my life, 'things' I like are always taken and they will never be mine. Life is cruel...

Disastrous Dates

Things in life always take unexpected turns for me. It's always almost a guaranteed major disappointment awaits whenever I'm expecting something. And most of the time when the disappointment has set in, that's when surprise awaits me. Just because when you are not expecting anything then.

Just like those blind dates that my friends arranged for me.At first I went along happily hoping to meet someone special, dressing up nicely for the occasion until the whole thing went downhill from the moment both of we shakes hands. He has nothing that I want in my dream guy, full stop. Went home disappointed while trying hard not to look like it. This repeats and repeats until I have finally lose the happily ever after plot from my heart.

I vowed, no more blind dates but not until this last one because my friend has already arranged for me. Fine, one bloody last one for me and I turned up the date with a I-Don't-Give -A-Shit attitude and appearance. Suddenly, this has become the biggest regret in my entire adult life! Kicked myself right there and then for turning up the way I am now. I called this DISASTER.

SHIT !SHIT ! SHIT ! Why are the pranks are always on me?!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Excuse me, you looked familiar to me

Do I have a face that looks like those mass produced dolls where each of them came from the same mold? Do I looked like everyone else? Don't I look like myself? Is my face that common?

Why do people keep mistaken me from someone else?

Monday, June 11, 2012

I'm Not Impressed At All

Some stainless steel diamond ring, some newly bought expensive handbags, some managerial position at work...BLA...BLA...BLA....

Some people are pure opportunist. Ones that never missed out a single chance to show off, like everyone else is blind and dumb. Who doesn't know about Tiffany&Co? What about those expensive Prada, Louis Vuitton( I bet most of those who flaunt them in my face couldn't even pronounce the name correctly) and so on. Not that they are the only one who owned those things and I'm not blind you know? Pure bitches.

Then there's this nobody that introduce himself as some manager to me. He's trying to tell me that he's somebody when his actions proved otherwise. Thinking that I was born yesterday and maybe I would be impressed? Hell not, I blocked him right away!

Why do you have to rub it in others face? You must be super desperate. Craving for others acknowledgement of your standing in the society? Pathetic...

Communication Error

The world is getting smaller and smaller. Communication is very convenient nowadays. You can speak to anyone at anytime from anywhere in the world easily. It makes everyone's life seems easier but not mine. It made mine a nightmare.

Here's why:

1. Some inconsiderate always call at the wrong time especially when I'm sleeping. It's either late at night or early in the morning. Had to turn my phone to silent mode and these had also made me missed a few important calls.

2. Gone were the days where we used to be very punctual for our appointments. When we said "Meet you under the bridge at 3pm" it really means so. Nowadays? " I'll call you when I reach there" but what time exactly? I could be waiting for you from 3pm to 3am!

3. Had to come up with better excuses to avoid somebody. I can't pretend that I'm not at home anymore! If I leave calls unanswered pretending to be busy, someone might sees me on Facebook playing games!

4. Whenever I'm trying to aim for high scores in FourSquare, there's always someone messaging me to question why am I doing there or why am I not asleep yet. I don't know what makes them think that I have to answer them about that.

5. People came to me asking why haven't i accept them as friend on Facebook yet, why can't they see my profile and why did i delete them as friend. Isn't it obvious that I don't want you to be my friend and yet you are still bothering me? Please stop harrasing me with your stupidity! I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND , as simple as that.

And there are so much more that I couldn't continue here as there's an idiot that keeps calling me and she's not even looking for me because she got the wrong number as I'm blogging about this.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Pondering Over Today's Dinner

Do you know? Do you know that you have been missing out a lot of good things in life. Too much had escape like trying to catch water in your fist. When you are willing to open up your palms, you are able to cupped some water in them. When your heart is open, naturally good things will come to you.

It's funny how my life and food entwined. Like how I avoided food with black coloring just because of some old wives tales. My attire of the day dictates what's for lunch. No curry if I'm in white. No pungent food if I'm working, had to pick out all those scallions one by one. Having durian with fork and spoon and only on the evening of the day before my day off. No sizzling or hot stone or self barbecue food because I'm afraid of the smoky smell that lingers afterwards. Because of all this, I've been missing out plenty of nice food. Went to Pepper Lunch at IMM for dinner and it was so nice that I've been kicking myself for not trying out earlier. Only to came this far to discover this nice place when I always passed by the restaurant while I'm on errands back home.

Some may think that I'm nuts to fussed over small matter like this but I'm the type that think and worry too much. It's also where I learned to interpret the meaning and purpose of everything that is happening around me.

Something gotta change for good...
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