In spite of whatever I might have gained during these few tumultuous months, I have yet to comprehend it. I admit that I'm a failure when it comes to this.
I found myself trying to pull myself out of my wondering thoughts from time to time even though I've been occupied by my daily tasks. It's like being pulled deeper and deeper into the abyss each moment.
Feeling so sorry not only for myself but to those who love and concern about me. They had done all that they should have done within their capabilities. They comforted me, they analyzed the entire situation for me and they reminded me that I deserved better. Time and time that they checked with me if everything is fine with me. My answer was never yes but maybe and through that they knew that I'm still pinning for it deep down inside. Even if I laughed louder than usual or smiled often than usual, I can't hide my pain from them. I'm feeling so guilty for not able to bounce back sooner and making them worried like that. I felt that I've let them down in spite of all those supports that they gave to me and all those hope that they have in me. Sometimes I couldn't even bring myself to see them in the eyes as I am too ashamed of dissapointing them.