Thursday, October 24, 2013

Taking Small Steps at One Time

I was told by the doctor that I'm allowed to jog, at a slow and steady pace. "How about weights training?" I asked. He said NO. OMG, the most dreaded thing has happened. I can only go for mild cardio and I really loathed it, a lot. And this was around a year ago. 
Workload started to pick up last year and I was going back and forth from KUL-SIN-KUL and everywhere else. I had no time to slow down and listen to my body. There were lotsa symptoms coming up and I brushed them away like nothing happened. Didn't even realise that I lose a lot of weight, I weighted only 39kg when I was admitted to the hospital. Was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and that explains the heart attack like symptom and those fainting spells whenever I had coffee. At first I thought I was going to die of heart attack or something and I bid my Baby Elise farewell. I just hugged her and I cried ( silly me, watched too much drama I think). 

I was on high dosage of hormone surpressant after that and the numbers on my scale were going up real fast. It's a good indicator actually but I'm getting fatter. One day I just snapped coz of one so called friend started to criticized me. I don't know what's wrong with her. She's very clingy with me and yet she likes to give awful comment about my clothes, my hair and she said I'm FAT!! I just can't take it anymore!

My nutrition and fitness textbooks were collecting dust somewhere by then. Years has gone by since I gave up on them. I was busy at work and I flunk the final exams and I didn't make it to the graduation. Sigh.... But my illness marks the beginning of a new chapter of my life. Slowly I started to pick up those weights ( I know, the doctor said I wasn't supposed to do that) and I started to listen to my body. I spoke to a lot of experts online and read a lot regarding my illness. There are times that I almost fainted when I tried to push it harder because I'm getting impatient and progress was slow. I threw up and I cried because of the hard work involved. In the end I managed to pinpoint my limits and I'll try to work within them. 

My biggest weakness is food. I love all the nice but unhealthy food. I tried to eat as healthy that I can most of the time and at the same time I allowed myself some cheat days so that I won't lose control being deprived of my favourite food for too long. I'm that person that you'll see hanging around the supermarket aisle scrutinizing the food labels. I think I might put off certain guys who wanted to date me which this kind of behavior. Come on, who wants to date a girl who eats boring food like tofu, milk, greens, bananas and nuts most of the time? And I can't expect others to give up their lifestyle because of me right?

I have been prescribing meal plans and workout sheets for a few friends and clients starting from the beginning of this year. They are doing great now and even progressing even better than myself. Sometime I feel like kicking myself for not being able to do as good as them but then I reminded myself that I should be grateful for still being able to do it even with my current condition. I'm grateful for the amount of supports and encouragements that I've been getting from my own personal support group. 

Yeah.... I've been lying to those whose been concerned about my illness. It's not really as mild as what I told you all. I just want everybody to stop worrying so much. And that was a was. Now I've been making a lot of improvements. At least I don't faint in the middle of the food court anymore. At least I can start drinking coffee again. I know.....I know you'll think that I'm just being stubborn and rebellious but I'm not. Sometimes we  know ourselves and our limit better than anyone else. Don't worry I'm good now. 

Here's my little progress picture as the proof that I'm still alive and kicking.
*almost KO'ed by this innocent looking gym ball today 

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