His name was in the obituary and I can't believe my own eyes. I never had any special feelings for him but we did had some wonderful times together as friends until I sensed something amiss, that his feelings was more than friends for me.
The worst thing I could do for him is to banished him from my life the same time that he confessed what I suspected of him and during some difficult time in his life. I just don't want to be that person during that fragile time. I know I was cruel but it was for the best interest of everyone.
He told me that he likes and he cares about me. No one could never imagine that they would get such reply for liking someone. My reply ? " You frightened me. I don't want to see you again until you find yourself a girlfriend. Goodbye". It was curt and rude. I didn't know what got into me that made me said that. Why can't I do it gently? Our paths crosses now and then ever since. Well, I always felt awkward around him. Maybe it's my guilt.
The obituary was just a dream but the incident was real but the feelings I had in it were as real as what I'm feeling right now. The dream is a sign of my regret and remorse without me actually realizing it.
Why am I blogging about this? I hope to reduce the burden of my consciousness and guilt. And i don't know how to apologize. It's not the matter of too late or whether I want or not. I just can't mouth the word S-O-R-R-Y to him. If he's reading this, I hope that we can erase that episode and become friends again. Without all those awkwardness, just friends.
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