Shit, I feel like a damsel in distress

Day 5: Still having these recurring nightmares where I'm stuck at this busy junction and driving a manual car that just keeping dying on me. Its was 11 years ago that I got my driving license and my own car both almost at the same time. It was very courageous of me to drive around the busy town immediately after that. Things were always like that. I never have the chance to learn things slowly one at a time or practice whatsoever. I was always forced to pick things up right there and then. No time to think, no time to hesitate. No matter what's the circumstances, I just can't back out. I just don't have the choice. 

The feeling was kind of liberal back then. I was going everywhere ever since. Never have to be at the mercy of others when I  need them to give me a ride. Leaving whenever I want to, especially if I was meeting someone and that person was so not interesting, etc etc. Never have to wait for others. It was great until now. 

 My movements are restricted. Everything had to be couriered or delayed. I can't even go groceries  shopping! Thank goodness for home deliveries. I still have my health food supply. Else I don't know what kind of shit that I'll be eating for these few weeks.

But how about the rest of my life? I feel so helpless ,hopeless ,useless ,miserable .....without a car. Public transportation here sucks and I just hate the feeling of being at the mercy of someone else again. Asking for help seems like a foreign concept to me now. Perhaps, I was on my own for too long. 

A friend of mine jokingly reminded me that it's time for me to start looking for a boyfriend, maybe a temporary one for these few weeks. Friends ,boyfriends....I don't know, the idea of having to rely on someone else just doesn't feel right to me. Feels weird. I feel 'Shit, I have to rely on others now'. Maybe it were some bad experiences that I had when I had to ask for help. People showing me shit face, some family members somemore. People said I used them and cast them aside afterwards which never was my intention.  I treated him as one of my close friend and asked for his help, had to leave as soon as it was done. I thought he would understand but he didn't. People that always forced me to do things I hated insisting that I owed them a favor. I used to think that helping others is out of goodwill and not expecting return immediately. I always tried to return their kindness in someways. Proper ways that is within my  capabilities. But people never thought of it that way. They just make you feel like you are an asshole for asking for help in the first place and not returning their favor immediately just the way they wanted it.  

 So, is it even right for me to ask for help?

Damn Car

Dear readers,

Take public transportations, walk, cycle or whatever. Just don't buy the damn national cars. The pricing isn't really that cheap with the crazy tax. You will spend loads of money fixing it here and there even when it's a brand new car. People used to be skeptical when the Proton Saga and also Perodua Kancil were first launched and eventually those 2 models were one of the best one they ever had. Most people has been driving them for years and not much complains. 

As the years goes by, things are supposed to be improving and by right the current models will be even better. But that's not the case here. Those companys are going backward. Their intelligence are rotting and giving rotten quality cars. The only thing improved is their bank accounts at the expenses of our safety. No wonder that the rich is getting richer and the poor is getting poorer.

If I were to drive at the usual speed on the highway last night, I supposed I won't be able to blog this entry. Could be in the hospital or something. My car were sandwiched between 2 other cars and mine was seriously dented and theirs were just minor scratches. Is the car made of plastic or something? This is ridiculous. 

People, please don't support this brand anymore. It's a total rip off. You can get a much better and safer car with that amount of money that you paid for that damn car. Unless if you are feeling suicidal, this car can really serve its purpose well.

How Many Times Do I Need To Repeat This

If you want to ask me out, just ask if I'm free. Don't try interrogate where am and what am I doing at that moment. The worse thing is as if I have to report to you my activities before and after that. Or you pretend to ask me out just to find out what I'm doing at the moment?  F*ck! What kind of shit is this?! Like I've said it many times before, I don't f*cking answer to anyone! Get it?

14042013 Walking on Nature

Good morning San Francisco, done with my daily workout and I'll be leaving today for Fresno.

Yosemite National Park's on the itinerary today.  A designated World Heritage Site since 1984, it's one of the most scenic spot in western United States. We are lucky that there were some foresighted brilliant individuals that worked hard to protect this place from development allowing us to have a chance to stand right here today. There are deep valleys, grand meadows and ancient giant sequoias surrounding this area. Can't think of any suitable words to describe this beautiful place, only some beautiful pictures to share.

In admiring mode til I felt a stabbing pain in my foot, my shoes was biting me

                                       Since I'm here, I'm going to closest that I can to see the Bridal Veil

All wet from the mist of the fall but I've made it!

Someday I wanna travel around in the RV

Hello and goodnight ......

25052013:Scarce

Sometimes it takes another person or something else to make you comprehend the actual situation that you are being bounded by. Most of the time you are simply being overwhelmed with the things surrounding you that you are just too blind to see or in the correct state of mind to make decisions. Life is running past you so quick that you have to sprint to keep up with it, making time for yourself really scarce what's more to even hear yourself thinking.

130413 Getting A Little Tipsy This Morning

                                       
Visiting a vineyard is what I always want to do but not the wine tasting part. I'm a super particular person and I don't find much wine out there that I really fancy except for this one by Robert Mondavi. So I bought it and kept it as part of my collection for at least 4-5 years until my family opened it for some IDK what occasion. I was looking forward to taste it. I remembered the first time I tasted it, it was fruity and the scent of apple lingered in my mouth for awhile. As I tried to take a sip of it with an expectation greater than anything in the world, BLAH.....that was one and only sip I took of it and the rest goes into the drain. It was flat and flat and flat. Just FLAT!! And now I don't really expect anything from the rest of the collection. I've learnt that it's never a good thing to have larger than life expectation which will only leave you with larger than life disappointment. Robert Mondavi

                                              Fooling around with the panoramic feature

                                                      OMG! Loving the rose wine so much!
This morning we visited the Beringer Vineyard at the picturesque Napa Valley located at the Napa County at the north of San Pablo Bay. This place has maintain a rural agricultural environment on the large part of its land which gives a very beautiful view of endless vineyards along the way before we reach our destination. It wasn't the wine that excites but it is its vineyards. Maybe I had too much of the concrete jungles in everywhere I went, I find this change of scenery has a positive effect on me. Trying to imagine myself in a parallel universe where I work in a vineyard. How would my life turn out then?

I have some confession to make here. I hardly fall in love and I fall in love easily. I'm very loyal and POFF! I fall out of love just like that, it all just goes up in the smoke as if  I never  fall in love in the first place. Anyone understands what I'm trying to say? Never mind if you don't. Back to the original story, red and white wine...NAH...I just poured my portion to person next to me. Rose wine and dessert wine? Yes! There are mine, HANDS OFF! I found my new love, at Beringer this day. On cloud nine now because I'm a little tipsy already.

And the day ends with this beautiful sunset picture at Fisherman's Wharf with all these adorable sea lions.

120413 The Contrasting Side of Mankind, Beauty, Ugliness and Pure Stupidity

After going through my routine workout, there's another round of workout again. A walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. Scorching up more calories, fantastic baby.

There I was, on the iconic bridge itself appreciating its height and size and the view below. What was on my mind that particular moment? That I wish I wore my gym wear there and jog across the bridge and also wishing for a bicycle to cycle across. What else life changing/ revelation that went through my mind? Can't recall much except that I wish I had more time to slowly enjoy the walk and the lovely weather.

                                         Come on! I'm raring to go now. Just press the button fast!

                                               The ships look like toys to me from up here

So, I walked on the Golden Gate Bridge!

Then there's this beautiful Palace of Fine Arts at the Marina District of San Fransisco that echoed those classical European setting and also home to many wildlife's like ducks and swans. A very beautiful monumental structure built around a small artificial lagoon. Man has always been the smart creature on this planet, isn't it great if they just put their creativity to good use instead of doing all those disgusting stuffs that hurts the mankind? I don't know how my mind managed to link these 2 unrelevant things together but the beauty in things just contrasted with the ugliness surrounding it.

                                                           The beautiful landscape

                                                         A swan guarding her eggs

Lunch and dinner afterwards was DUH....nothing fancy. Bubba Gump and chinese food. CHINESE FOOD OF ALL THE THING! I don't have problem with chinese food and I love it too but do I really come all the way here for some chinese food?! That's the problem with going along with travel agencies. They always feed you some fucked up food which they always claimed are 'must have' or highlights of the place. What to do? That pure stupidity ends the day.

Good night.