To argue or to have a dispute with a
fellow Geminian is like fighting with your inner self. You'll never win in any way.
Friday, July 6, 2012
The Gemini In Me
Complicated, difficult, eccentric, annoying, hot tempered, super bitch are how some described me. I'm both extrovert and introvert. I can be the life of the party and also the wallpaper at the same time. Even I can't predict myself, just like Dr Jekyll and Miss Hyde. 2 different persona sharing 1 physical body, each must takes turn to have its says.
Extreme is the best word to describe myself. There's no in between for me especially when it comes to human interaction. It's either hate or love, very simple. Black or white but never grey for me. I could be very rational one moment but falling head over heels with the wrong guy. Had a clear mind about what I want in a guy and proceeded to throwing all the cautions to the wind finally.
My attention span is way shorter than a 3 years old kid and it will never grow further than that even as I aged. One minute, I'm into baking, the next one I might go for skateboarding and so on. Just like a computer, you can have a few tabs opened at the same time but none of them are working at the optimum level and they'll be crashing anytime soon. In the end, none of the tasks can be completed. From dreaming of being a ballerina to be a baseball player PHEW...I wonder if I can live long enough to get myself to be involved in all these activities.
Everything about me is like a flip of a coin. There's always 2 sides of me in every aspect. Yin and Yang. IDK if this is what they called a balance element but I sure know that I'm always capable of driving people around me up the wall. Sometimes it is because of me that they too had conjured the split persona in them. Usually they are very forgiving and love me to bits but there are times that they wanted to kill me too.
A former colleague only dared to tell me what she thought of me when she had finally left the company. That I was a very stubborn person and things will always has to be my way and no other ways. Someone who refused others opinion. She felt very irritated and annoyed by me sometimes. She has seen me flaring up in anger not once or twice but on a numerous occasions. I'm not the easiest person for her to please but somehow she thought that I'm a very adorable person. Like a child, crying and screaming and then playing and laughing again in the shortest period of time like nothing had happened at all. That's what she told me. At least if she dislike one part of me, there's still another different part of me that she likes in me.
There are simple to many negative attributes in me that drove others away from my life. Any other sane person would very much wanted to change to be a better person but not me. I'm not budging at all. I think it's what who made me who I am today and allowing me to have what I have today. If there's someone out there who couldn't accept me for who I am, they never did genuinely love me as a person. These people can just get the hell out of my life.
Anyway, I must really salute to those who had endured so much of my crazy episodes all these times. You people are the best in my life for I know that I would never be able to handle or tolerate another person like myself. Not in a million years.
Extreme is the best word to describe myself. There's no in between for me especially when it comes to human interaction. It's either hate or love, very simple. Black or white but never grey for me. I could be very rational one moment but falling head over heels with the wrong guy. Had a clear mind about what I want in a guy and proceeded to throwing all the cautions to the wind finally.
My attention span is way shorter than a 3 years old kid and it will never grow further than that even as I aged. One minute, I'm into baking, the next one I might go for skateboarding and so on. Just like a computer, you can have a few tabs opened at the same time but none of them are working at the optimum level and they'll be crashing anytime soon. In the end, none of the tasks can be completed. From dreaming of being a ballerina to be a baseball player PHEW...I wonder if I can live long enough to get myself to be involved in all these activities.
Everything about me is like a flip of a coin. There's always 2 sides of me in every aspect. Yin and Yang. IDK if this is what they called a balance element but I sure know that I'm always capable of driving people around me up the wall. Sometimes it is because of me that they too had conjured the split persona in them. Usually they are very forgiving and love me to bits but there are times that they wanted to kill me too.
A former colleague only dared to tell me what she thought of me when she had finally left the company. That I was a very stubborn person and things will always has to be my way and no other ways. Someone who refused others opinion. She felt very irritated and annoyed by me sometimes. She has seen me flaring up in anger not once or twice but on a numerous occasions. I'm not the easiest person for her to please but somehow she thought that I'm a very adorable person. Like a child, crying and screaming and then playing and laughing again in the shortest period of time like nothing had happened at all. That's what she told me. At least if she dislike one part of me, there's still another different part of me that she likes in me.
There are simple to many negative attributes in me that drove others away from my life. Any other sane person would very much wanted to change to be a better person but not me. I'm not budging at all. I think it's what who made me who I am today and allowing me to have what I have today. If there's someone out there who couldn't accept me for who I am, they never did genuinely love me as a person. These people can just get the hell out of my life.
Anyway, I must really salute to those who had endured so much of my crazy episodes all these times. You people are the best in my life for I know that I would never be able to handle or tolerate another person like myself. Not in a million years.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Being Stubborn
It's as if some invisible force took over your body and mind. You are getting irrational and acted like a fool. You started to get reckless and tried to do all sorts of crazy things that you normally won't do. You know it's dangerous across that border but yet you still refused to back out. You know it's impossible but yet you are still being stubborn. Stop being so difficult and stop daydreaming about the impossible things in life. You have much more important things in life ahead.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Where Has My Sanity Gone?
Something's not right here.
It's been super duper hectic for me this couple of weeks. Designing, modifying, calculating....Phew..Sleeping for only a few hours daily and waking up early running all over the town. Crazy zits popping out due to stress. Started to get delusional where my emotions going through a massive roller coaster ride. My sanity slowly wasting away and I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. All sorts of nonsense going in and coming out from myself.
It's crazy. I don't supposed to have time for all these nonsense when my schedule is filling up to the max but my brain seems to have its own way of filling up those tiny haircrack with some impossible stuffs where my emotions and mood keep spiraling downward. It's like I woke up one day and found myself in maze. I walked and walked for days to find my way out but the deception of the place is taking me further and into the trap with every step I take.
Getting annoyed with myself as more time has passed. Blasting the stereo loud to drown out the crazy thinking in my mind. It helps but just a little.
Still trying to find my way out of the maze now or until my sanity returns.....
It's been super duper hectic for me this couple of weeks. Designing, modifying, calculating....Phew..Sleeping for only a few hours daily and waking up early running all over the town. Crazy zits popping out due to stress. Started to get delusional where my emotions going through a massive roller coaster ride. My sanity slowly wasting away and I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. All sorts of nonsense going in and coming out from myself.
It's crazy. I don't supposed to have time for all these nonsense when my schedule is filling up to the max but my brain seems to have its own way of filling up those tiny haircrack with some impossible stuffs where my emotions and mood keep spiraling downward. It's like I woke up one day and found myself in maze. I walked and walked for days to find my way out but the deception of the place is taking me further and into the trap with every step I take.
Getting annoyed with myself as more time has passed. Blasting the stereo loud to drown out the crazy thinking in my mind. It helps but just a little.
Still trying to find my way out of the maze now or until my sanity returns.....
Day 3: Rat Race Or Peace At Zagreb
Something for my Baby Elise, a huggable and breathing battery operated mutt and it's super adorable.
Not sure if she'll tore it apart the moment she sets her paws on it though.
My sister thought it was a real thing and kept asking how the hell am I going to go through the airport with it.
Been missing my baby alot. Just had to talk to her with Facetime midway through my breakfast and everyone thought that I have a human daughter, funny.
We left for Zagreb right after breakfast and it took us 4 hours to get there. After spending half of my time abroad on a coach, now I could sleep on the road and be able to wake up whenever the coach slows down. When it slows down, it means we have arrived at our destination.
Love this restaurant where they have a beautiful white interior. Modern and nice.
Can anyone tells that I just woke up a few minutes earlier before this picture was taken?
Zagreb Cathedral is the most famous building in Zagreb and the tallest building in Croatia. This place brought a sense of serenity into my heart where every problems seem to be in absence at that very moment. It's where you can almost hear the angels singing.
Where you will be enthralled and believed in miracles that God had created. Making you momentary forgotten that you still have a long and winding way on this crazy world. It really feels good to be here.
I would stay here forever if I could, to get away from the harsh reality of my current life. It's truly an undecisive thinking of mine. Can I really give up everything to have a sense of peace or can I give up having a sense of peacefulness for my ambitions? Let's just put this to the hands of fate, if I'm meant to spend the rest of my life quietly or to continue this rat race.
Strolling along on a former river that separates these two banks in this city where bloodshed happened before it became the way it is today.
Bloodshed on the other side and tearshed on this side. Museum of Broken Relationships, my tales could fill up this entire place!
At the park where the locals walk their dogs and for a public show of affections. Couples rolling around on the grass cuddling and kissing each others like those in the movies. It's romantic in the reels but not in the reality, where you might be ended up rolling around on dog's wee wee and poo poo!
Catch of the day
Chocolates, luncheon meat, foie gras, pate, truffle.....
Calling it a day at Four Points
Thursday, June 28, 2012
My Tears
If I could find tears within my heart because this, I might be able to find 'it' again. I maybe crying of pain or happiness but not for 'this'. I'm not able to cry for 'this' and IDK if I ever able to do it again.
Dear Ian
*Hugs*At least you found him and you know that you love him. You dared to love and to love him from afar. That shows that you are still lovable and hope you'll find that special someone to share your principles and believe in life soon.
It's been a long and winding journey for me. I never went beyond liking someone these few years and I wonder if I still able to love someone like any warm blooded human does. I've tried hard to find that feelings within me again. Lost count of how many times that I failed.
Maybe I've lost it forever, IDK
It's been a long and winding journey for me. I never went beyond liking someone these few years and I wonder if I still able to love someone like any warm blooded human does. I've tried hard to find that feelings within me again. Lost count of how many times that I failed.
Maybe I've lost it forever, IDK
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