Where Has My Sanity Gone?

Something's not right here.

It's been super duper hectic for me this couple of weeks. Designing, modifying, calculating....Phew..Sleeping for only a few hours daily and waking up early running all over the town. Crazy zits popping out due to stress. Started to get delusional where my emotions going through a massive roller coaster ride. My sanity slowly wasting away and I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. All sorts of nonsense going in and coming out from myself.

It's crazy. I don't supposed to have time for all these nonsense  when my schedule is filling up to the max but my brain seems to have its own way of filling up those tiny haircrack with some impossible stuffs where my emotions and mood keep spiraling downward. It's like I woke up one day and found myself in maze. I walked and walked for days to find my way out but the deception of the place is taking me further and into the trap with every step I take.

Getting annoyed with myself as more time has passed. Blasting the stereo loud to drown out the crazy thinking in my mind. It helps but just a little.

Still trying to find my way out of the maze now or until my sanity returns.....

Sadness

Feeling a little sad now. Can't push it away and it's sticking to me like a glue. Just how many times do I have to go through this? Struggling with hopelessness and sadness just for a sniff of happiness and it wasn't even real. I'm getting so bloody tired this time.

Life Is Cruel

I was just passing by the boutique on my way to get my daily caffeine fix when the mannequin caught my eyes. It was wearing the loveliest dress that my eyes ever laid on. I just had to own it. And then I was told that it was the last piece and it was already taken, awaiting the lucky owner to collect it.

Just like the other aspect of my life, 'things' I like are always taken and they will never be mine. Life is cruel...

Disastrous Dates

Things in life always take unexpected turns for me. It's always almost a guaranteed major disappointment awaits whenever I'm expecting something. And most of the time when the disappointment has set in, that's when surprise awaits me. Just because when you are not expecting anything then.

Just like those blind dates that my friends arranged for me.At first I went along happily hoping to meet someone special, dressing up nicely for the occasion until the whole thing went downhill from the moment both of we shakes hands. He has nothing that I want in my dream guy, full stop. Went home disappointed while trying hard not to look like it. This repeats and repeats until I have finally lose the happily ever after plot from my heart.

I vowed, no more blind dates but not until this last one because my friend has already arranged for me. Fine, one bloody last one for me and I turned up the date with a I-Don't-Give -A-Shit attitude and appearance. Suddenly, this has become the biggest regret in my entire adult life! Kicked myself right there and then for turning up the way I am now. I called this DISASTER.

SHIT !SHIT ! SHIT ! Why are the pranks are always on me?!

A Lesson Learned

A note to myself: Just because you think that he's the nicest and most diplomatic one among the bunch, doesn't mean that he will take you as a friend. Don't overestimate your own position in others life. You are just another face in the crowd. You are nobody to them.

Don't you feel that you are the biggest idiot in the world for thinking that you'll be invited? Preparing for it while it went past you almost silently until someone else pointed it out to you. Have you ever feel like banging your stupid self against the wall? Sad? Dissapointed?

The moral of the story?
1.Never ever be so sure of things in life.
2. The outcome may leave you scarred for life.
3.Some people just don't deserve to have you as a friend.
4. Tell them to F.U.C.K O.F.F when they try to be friendly with you and also if they asked for help from you in future.

Save yourself the heartache. You have much better things to do than to mingle with people that dont appreciate you.

Medley of feelings

I feel sad
I feel hopeless
I feel angry
I feel hateful

What matters the most?

Nothing really matters anymore. Nothing.....

Have You Ever?

Ever feel so blue that the sky seems red when you looked up?

Ever feel so hopeless that you wished the world ends sooner?

I don't have the vocabulary to describe
this feeling I am having now.

What will you do?

What will you do when you are all alone in this dog eat dog world?

What will you do when you don't get the support you needed?

What will you do when the world goes against you?

What will you do when people hate you for being yourselves?

What will you do when no one believe in you ?

What will you do when people think that they can take whatever they want from you?

What will you when someone trying to get in the way of your life?

What will you do when people want their share of your success?

What will you do when bad memories seems to be haunting you forever?

What will you do when you remember how nasty others treated you?

What will you do when someone spreading malicious rumors about you?



What will you do? What can I do?